I've been thinking a lot lately about how I blog. I think that I've mostly been stating facts to keep everyone informed of what has happened lately, but as I read other blogs, I start to wish that I wrote down a little more about how I felt about these things that happen. There is so much more involved in life than just facts. I think that blogs without feeling are a little more boring to read anyway. So ... I have decided to attempt a change.
I've been baking all day for our church Christmas party, which is tonight and it's make me think a lot about Christmas and people that I miss and wish that I could see. The smell of pumpkin cranberry bread reminds me of last Christmas, and how much things have changed since then. Take Evan for example, last Christmas we had just been told that he was a girl! How much that little man has changed our lives and helped us to believe and trust God, especially through uncertainty. First through bad news with the ultrasound, which ended up being nothing (or God totally healed him overnight, which I wouldn't want to take away from Him) We've learned a lot about how to react to people's comments about how he looked in the stores, malls ... I could have cried, and did so many times when people asked me, nervously, if he fell (and by that you mean, did I drop him, since he's a newborn and doesn't roll, sit etc). What about the little kids who point and stare, and who's parents try to shush them. It's hard when people don't really comment about how beautiful your child is, they comment about the one thing that ... well. How faithful is the grace of the Lord, who's mercy endures forever, and is fresh and new for me every day! He constantly refreshes and gave me the grace to go to the store for milk the next time and the grace to go to Boston and back what feels like a million times. And now to be through most of it.
And what about Gabe? He's huge now! Last Christmas he didn't even know how to climb onto a chair. This year, he "helped" me make the cookies for tonight ("Mom, don't eat it ... it has raw egg! But not this piece in my mouth, it has chocolate chips in it"). He's learning what it means to obey, and he's so excited about Jesus' birthday. The other day, he was calling "Jesus? Jesus? Where are you? Are you coming to your party? We're having a cake for you." How precious he is as he knees on the pillow next to his bed to pray for Joaren and anyone else that he can think of.
I think that I am a very different person from last year's Christmas, more grown, but more aware of my own faults and weaknesses. I walked through some hard things with kids, our friends and our family this year that have really made me examine my relationship with God to see how deep it truly does go.
What will next year hold? There are lots of unknowns, but one big Known to walk me though whatever.
2 comments:
Hey Melanie - thanks for sharing your thoughts. As an "outsider" just learning about all you've walked through with Evan, it's nice to know more than just the facts. Just the other day I was on your blog and looking at pictures of Evan when he was first born. And it's true, the first thing you see, and wonder about, is this bump. But then if you take another minute to look at HIM, he's just sooo cute! It made me sad to realize that so many people might never take that second minute to see past. That has to be so hard on a mom! But it also made me grateful for the treatment he's been able to get which should make it so, for the rest of his life, people can more easily see HIM.
So, they told you he was a girl, huh? We're going in for our ultrasound on Monday, and we think it's a boy - I don't think Jordan or I will know whether to believe them if they say girl!
Wow! It is so refreshing to hear (or should I say "read") your heart through these lines. I am glad you decided to share it... I know I am constantly inspired by your life and your relationship with the Lord, how many more people will benefit from that when you write!
I love you, my dear friend!
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